Dear Nicole
Recently a close friend of mine expressed to me that she was thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend, one of my best friends and an overall sweet guy.
After a week of debating whether to do it she decided not to, a decision I disagree with. Feeling that my best friend should know about his girlfriend’s doubts I tell him about it, but urge him not to act upon the information. He agrees, but later that night after my confessing that I need a boytoy to reduce my current sexual tension, and stating that he would be a good candidate, if he didn’t have a girlfriend. In further conversation he suggested that although he had a girlfriend, he would still be willing to help. The night turned into a sleepover and lying in my double bed together we made the leap from best friends to friends-with-benefits and I became the other woman in his relationship. During this he told me that he had had crush on me for some time, in fact almost all our nearly 2 year relationship and through two other relationships of his, including the current. His behaviour also seemed to suggest that he felt deeper about me than a crush. And now after being sworn to secrecy I feel the need to discuss the situation with friends to help me decide how I should act around both of them and what I should tell the boy.
Nicole, what is the best course of action and should I give up and tell my trustworthy friends??
Love,
Teenage Paramour in Australia
Dear Teenage Paramour,
Girl you are fooling yourself.
1. This dude is a rat-fink.
2. You are a rat-fink for using the information given to you IN CONFIDENCE by "a close friend" to get what you wanted. That is some duplicitous bullshit, my friend.
If you think that this dude won't do to you what he JUST DID to this other girl, then you are sadly sadly mistaken.
If i were you, I would stop answering the phone for a week, do some soul searching, and then go about things in the most compassionate and rational way possible.
Remember: Girl Rivalry and Jealousy tear girls apart. Cheating is anti feminist, and karma is a harsh bitch to fuck with.
Dear Nicole,
I am doing Stumptown Comics Fest for the first time this year. Do you have any advice for me, such as what I should bring, how many copies, that sort of thing? Thanks!
-Milkyboots
Dear Milkyboots,
Bring some tape, scrap paper, a sharpie, and some pens.
Write up a nice, large, legible price list before you show up. To put on your table.
Bring a tablecloth that is bold, but not so busy as to distract from your comic books.
Get change before you come. Bring a little money box to keep your vast fortune in.
Bring yourself some water and some snacks.
I saw have something at your table to lure people back. Cupcakes, candy, free stickers. Something.
Bring business cards with your web address on them.
Wear something nice. Brush your hair, brush your teeth, and get ready to engage with some people and become a self promoting maniac for a day.
Don't sit there reading a book when people come up to your table, stand up or at least make eye contact and greet them. Customer service. You know. Have one of your comics open so they can see an example of what's inside.
Put descriptions on next to your comics so they know which is which
(i.e.: "Issue ten includes me falling off my bike and saving a chicken's life!")
Oh. and bring some gum for fresh breath.
Have fun!
Dear Nicole,
A few weeks ago I posted a very witty and articulate (if I do say so myself) 'casual encounters' ad on Craigslist. It didn't garner me what I was hoping for, but I was proud of the effort nevertheless. Today, while trolling the W4W section, I stumbled upon an ad that seemed eerily familiar. Except, wait! With a few minor (pedestrian, suburban) modifications, it was my ad, totally ripped off! Literally, entire well crafted phrases had been lifted wholesale from my ad and placed into this one. I realize I am perhaps being a bit melodramatic, but this kind of injury feels equivilent to any other kind of plagiarism. I'm at a loss for what to do - do I send a snarky response to the faux-author? Do I reveal her tactics in the public forum? Do I demand compensation for whatever relationship rewards she reaps from my words?
Help!
Andie
Dear Andie,
So Weird!
This is plagiarism, but you have to put it in perspective. It's craigslist.
Unless you want to get your brain wrapped up in the weird world of online forum fighting, I would lay low and forget about it, writing an even BETTER ad next time (you could mention in your new ad that someone stole your last one, it was so excellent).
Online forum fighting, complete with anonymous commentary, can eat away at your soul and take your brain away from more productive and spirit-nourishing activities. Like masturbating, doing aerobics or baking cookies.
Please comfort in the fact that whomever the plagiarist is, the dates they reel in from craigslist will soon find them to be not the witty, wordy cassanova they purported to be, but rather, a lame substitution, unable to whittle a crafty sentence or deliver on the goods you originally described.
Dear Nicole,
As huge fans of yours, aspiring chicken keepers(they're so cuuute), and dedicated v-guns, my roommate and I wanna ask you: What do you do with your hens' eggs? Let them be? Collect them and give them to friends who would otherwise eat factory farmed eggs? Fry em up because you know your girls are loved?
Thank you!
pdx chickenlovahs
Dear PDX Chicken Lovahs,
I feed my chicken's eggs to my dogs and to omnivorous friends. Better they get their eggs from me than from the grocery store!
I have never eaten my chicken's eggs. Menses is menses, no matter how you slice it.
No comments:
Post a Comment