America's Smartest Girl

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portland, oregon
America's Smartest Girl, Nicole Georges, channels her powers for good as she drums up answers to the world's most complicated questions.

Romance, Career, Health, Pets, Finance. Send questions to Nicole via twitter (@nicolejgeorges) or addressed to her via No suicidal inquiries. Please limit all questions to 150 words or less.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mom Jeans, with special guest Katastrophe!

Hello! I have employed guest advisor & fashionable gent, San Francisco based rapper and producer Rocco Kayiatos (a.k.a. Katastrophe) , to step in and help with this very special question about Mom Jeans this week.
If you want to see Rocco's non-matron-like pantaloons in person, you can find him at Portland's Gaycation on January 15th (see flier below).

Until then, our question:

hi nicole.
I'm a queer lady who's been dating a super cute person for the last several months. things are great, there's just this one thing that is bugging me.
he has this favorite pair of jeans that are truly terrible.

i was spared from the jeans when i was falling in love with the person because they were in the mending pile.
they have since been mended and i can't take it!

they are total MOM JEANS. when i see my sweetheart in these jeans, i want to run away.
it literally hurts my eyes to see my date's cute little bod unflatteringly obscured in these jeans.
i feel like, "don't you know those are curvy WOMEN's levi's?"

my date is somewhat masculine-presenting genderqueer, i don't think he knows these are women's jeans, and also i think he doesn't know how weird they make his butt look. is there a way of getting him not to wear the jeans? i mean, you know, besides asking him to please stop wearing them?

Rocco Says:
I suppose this leaves you in a bit of a tough spot. If I were in this position I would propose one of two things.

1. Go shopping for new jeans together. Mention that you need new jeans and you would love to see your date in some new denim too. Then, while shopping, fawn over him and his hot bod in the jeans. Get him into a pair that hugs all the right areas and are flattering. Tell him his ass has never looked so hot and that you know he is loyal to his favorite pair, but that in all honesty these look better. Then get him the jeans. Small price to pay, I'd say.

2. Another more duplicitous and severe solution would be to aide in the mysterious disappearance of said pair of jeans, destroy and deny everything. I would not recommend this though, it is setting a precedence of dishonesty.

3. Depending on how close you guys are, you could just be honest and let him know that you think he has a gorgeous body and that those jeans just do not do it justice. Choose your words carefully though.
(Nicole interjects: "These Jeans Do Not Do Your Butt Justice")

Good luck! No one should wear Mom Jeans, even moms.

xo Rocco

And from Nicole:

In this instance, stay away from the hurtful truth route as much as possible. I have employed this "truth" in the past about a certain button-up, and found it only gave my then-date a complex that perhaps I hated ALL of her clothes, not just this one shirt.
Also, would you not smack the mouth of someone who tried telling you what to wear?
I might! (or weep in private. either or.)
Not the right path.

I agree with Rocco that buying your sweetheart a pair of jeans is a small price to pay in order to get rid of the motherly ones; but I have a couple suggestions of my own.

Try talking butt science with your date. Mention that the smaller & higher the pockets, the bigger (in a weird, long, flat way) your butt looks. Say you saw it on Oprah. Something about how larger , lower pockets are your favorite, and you've seen him wear some pants like that and his butt looked awesome.

If you must discuss the Mom-Jeans directly, like if they somehow become resurrected, I'd like to expand upon Rocco's honesty route of taking the angle that your sweetheart is too good for them.
You Are Hotter Than These Jeans.
You Can Do Better.

When I inquired with said date about the formerly mentioned button up, she did think one of these sentences would have softened the blow and boosted her self esteem instead of giving her a complex.

Good Luck,
and if those jeans disappear I promise not to tell.

Here's a Style Guide to Men's Jeans

And for the ladies


Anonymous said...

i am glad that, since you only had one question, you really answered it all the way up and down and gave us a full column out of it. thanks, smart girl!

p.s. mom jeans are cool again.

Ask Nicole said...

It deserved it's own , I thought!
Check out the 2nd posting I made today for more advice questions, and enjoy your mom jeans!