Speed Advice from Short Run: Part I

I'm back! 
My dog/horcrux had cancer and it felt like I was dying, so I couldn't wrap my brain around your advice questions for a time, but now she is back up and running and thusly, so am I. 

I am here to deliver fast answers to burning questions received during the Short Run Small Press Fest in Seattle Washington. 

Enjoy. 

How do you deal with Mother-in-laws? Am-I-Right?

You treat them kindly, respectfully, and politely and you do not burden your husband/wife with what an a-hole you may think your mother in law is, because it is THEIR mother and they have to deal not only with her but also you (!!!) and it will stress them out.
You can minorly vent, but seriously don't make it his/her problem.

 What should I do when I give my cat rabies?

Put your cat to sleep, because now it has rabies.

What should a person do when they are right and everyone else is wrong?

Great question. Well first you should check and make sure your name isn't Nicole J. Georges, because that is technically the space *I* occupy, but after that, be polite to people and don't tell them they're always wrong or they won't want to be around you any more. Just pretend like what they are saying is right some times and then go home and tell your dog or your girlfriend how righteous and correct you are about all things.

How can I bring a chicken into my life?

1. Ask your neighbors
2. Ask the landlord
3. Build/obtain a high-security coop (VERY IMPORTANT)
4. Scope some chickens on Craigslist.
5. Go get them from a chicken-hoarders house and make sure you have a security plan in place in case you get trapped in a chicken cage and sold as livestock.
5.5. Do not get chicks from a random store- they probably come from a hatchery, which is as good as buying a Butterball (tm) turkey from the market, cruelty-wise. There are plenty of chickens around who are from reputable places where their mothers are not kept in battery cages and whose little brothers don't get ground up alive. Seriously, people-  LOOK IT UP. 
6. Bring home chickens, feed them, water them, collect eggs & clean their home once a week or more.

Who is going to win the election?

President Obama.

Mozart?

Sure. Not advice.

Do you think 30 years old is too young to give in to only wearing stretch pants 4 EVA?

Not if the stretch pants are leggings. Leggings are very "in" right now, and offer the comfort of a stretch or sweat  pant without the unsightly sight of actually wearing a sweat pant in public. I recommend leggings and tights, young 30 something.

How does one keep from being consumed by jealousy when people are getting more money for their inferior zine?

Just know that money doesn't always follow talent, and fewer people will want to buy your zine is you look like a bitter old jealous shrew. Plenty of untalented people get rewarded for their art all the time. Have you ever heard of Gallagher?

 Just do something that you like and that makes you happy so that when you go home with a stack of 10000 unsold zines at the end of the day you'll at least be able to enjoy them.


That's all for now, folks. I will post the rest of these in Speed Advice from Short Run: Part II next week! 

xoxoxoxo
n.g.

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