Some Questions from the Road: Water sports, desperation, PC Police & More!

Good morning, readers!
I've just returned from a month-long tour of the United States, where I answered anonymous advice questions in a live setting, along-side the incredible Cassie J. Sneider.
I have a backpack full of these tiny slips of paper, and will try to answer them in a rapid-fire style as the Spring wears on.  Hopefully I can even have Cassie guest on a few posts.
Sincerely
n.g.


How much job satisfaction does one need? Is living in the cubicle kingdom ever okay?

You need to either have a job that satisfies you, or a job that doesn't drain too much of your brain power so you can do the things you like to do after work. One or the other. Most artists do not make a living off of their art, which is why it is important to have a job you can deal with during the day in order to fund your projects and not vampire you to death in the meantime.

I want to be a writer, but I don't even take myself seriously when I say that. Also, I'm in a mega depressive funk and can't make anything so I feel like a fraud when I say "writer". Help?

If you want to be a writer, all you have to do is write. Even if it is only for 20 minutes a day,  just write.
Then walk to a photocopier, put it together into a little booklet, and pass it out to your friends & writers/publications you respect. Voila- you are a writer. It is not rocket science, do not trip out on it. If you are a writer it is because there is something you need to write. Just do it. 

Hello! I'm in a primary partnership with myself. What are some fun free date ideas? (completely serious)

Go for a walk, go watch t.v. at the gym, go sit somewhere and write or draw, go to karaoke, take yourself to a movie for $3, have some quality time with your vibrator, go to Powells and read, go to Zumba, go pet dogs at the Humane Society, go spend a nickel on an ice cream cone.

How much do I like this guy? Enough to put up with occasional pot smoking and weekend drunkenness? Am I too old for this?

It sounds like you are too old for this. This question reeks of growing resentment. Cut & run! It sounds like he's getting on your nerves, and he's not going to change, so if you aren't willing to change (you don't have to, actually) then bail before you are dragging your anger like an albatross!

How do I politely tell my friends they are being politically incorrect, even when they should realize that they are... 

Ugh. Please do not passive aggressively call them out on Facebook. If you must talk to them about something, because it's hurtful or will get them in trouble, do it privately. Try to make a personal connection (i.e. My uncle is ___________ , or say "you aren't allowed to say _________!" and explain why).

Don't let it eat at you. Your new mantra: "We are on the same side." At the end of the day, are they well-meaning? Do they politically have your  back when the chips are down? Remember that! You may live in a radical bubble, but in the grand scheme of things that is rare and worth something.

Take off your judges robes and powdered wig, set down the gavel and have a friendly conversation about semantics if they're bugging you or embarrassing themselves. Otherwise, chill!

I'm from Montreal and have lived here most of my life, and a lot of people I love are here. But winter makes me want to smash my face into the sidewalk- should I move away?

Sure, try it. Not forever, just try spending a month or two somewhere sunny and see how you like it.
Texas, California, Arizona, Hawaii- sign up for a residency somewhere and dry out for a bit.
 If you are too homesick you can always move back. Remember, you just get this one life. If you see yourself somewhere tropical, go do it!

What are good ways to meet people that isn't a bar?

A karaoke bar is a bar, but really it is such an excellent place. Okay, otherwise- volunteer somewhere. I don't know what your gender situation is, but volunteering with the Rock'n'Roll Camp for Girls is an amazing way to meet strong, interesting women-identified-people from around the world. Look it up in your area, get in your car, and go help out.

What's a good "just because I think you're the best ever" gift for my friend?

Flowers, my new book Calling Dr. Laura, Cassie's book Fine Fine Music, some chocolates from Lagusta's Luscious, or a Lil' Bub totebag.   

This person I like seems desperate, like they would hook up with anyone willing. Should I even bother, or am I going to be another warm body?

Firstly, you sound a little judgmental and like you are painting them with a very broad brush. Can you investigate their current desperation situation without getting too far in?
If it is true, that they are throwing themselves around indiscriminately, then it sounds like you might catch something. Pass on the opportunity, unless you also are hard up and can see this as a purely functional arrangement. Like just to get your vibes rolling, or for physical fitness.

I think I have a drinking problem. What should I do?

Go to AA, duh.
Not a joke. Just go there. Can your excuses about not wanting a higher power, and just step into some meetings. DO IT.

What do you feel is the best way to memorialize Whitney Houston? How did you?

With karaoke, recording a cover song, making a zine about her life or painting a portrait of her.  

How do I hit "Rock Bottom" already?

Make out with a puppet. See example: Graham.

Should I dye my greys?

Only if they are blended in with some other hideous hair color you are trying to hide.
Otherwise, be grey and free! Distinguished!

Best place for water sports apart from a bath tub?

A tarp. A bed with a rubber sheet. The kitchen or the back yard. Or a bucket!!!