Some More Questions From The Road

Us with Sally Madden in Baltimore.

Questions from tour: Part 2
All questions were submitted lively and anonymously during my book tour with Cassie J. Sneider. We read them & responded in a rapid-fire manner. 

Dear Nicole, 
How do you be abiding toward someone you don't like to be around? 

Ugh, how long do you have to be around them? Can you go somewhere else? On a walk around the block or maybe face a wall for a while?
If you have to be around someone you don't like, for a short period of time, be polite. Just be polite.
Just smile stiffly, nod your head, make the most basic small talk if you need to, and be kind.

If you have to spend a lot of time with them, spend some of that time trying to have compassion for them. Think about what their situation might be, and how that is adding to their current behavior that's making you uncomfortable.

What is the best way to worm an 8.5 foot boa constrictor?

Get some wormer, I suppose. Visit the reptile vet.

My 9 hens create their own special aroma. Personally, I do not enjoy it, though I am convinced they do. How often do I have to clean their coop?

It depends on how big the coop is, but with that many chickens, probably twice a week.
They do not like the smell. When I worked at a farm, we cleaned out the chicken's nests every day.
Chew on THAT.

One of my cats is a "tub pooper". She poops in our bathtub 1-3 times a month. How can we convince her to reform her practices? 

Keep the bathroom door closed.
Or, Leave a couple inches of water in the tub. Cats hate water, right? There you go.

Should I get an asymmetrical/disconnected haircut?

There are some really beautiful, fantastical human beings with that hair-do, but in my opinion, the ship has already left the dock. Those on board are happily riding the tide of asymmetry.
 If you aren't already on the asymmetrical deck, then consider staying on dry land. 
The show's already started, the set's winding down, and it won't be worth the price of admission. 
(But I do always recommend getting a Tootie haircut. Why not?)

Should I give my miniature weiner dog preventative supplements for spinal health?

Sure, why not. While you're at it, get some doggy steps to protect the little guy's back when he's getting on and off your bed or the couch. Don't let him leap from great heights!

How do you know when it's time to change cities or is it even necessary?

When a place doesn't feel like a home, you have nothing on the horizon, it feel stagnant, and THEN opportunities open up to you in other places. "The Universe" will tell you where you need to be.

How do you let a friend know you're interested in them and still stay friends regardless of their response? 

Well. To answer the second part of your question first: you can't get aggro or mean if they say No.

That's the part that ruins friendships after crush confessions. No performative sighs or doe eyes.
If they're not interested, can the romance, turn the page and move on.
You may need to take a little friendly space from them if they say no, get over the disappointment, and then jump back in the hanging out game.

How to let them know?
Say something like: "I *like* you. Would you like to go on a date with me some time?" ,
OR the more round-a-bout, "What would happen if I asked you on a date some time? Just wondering." and then they will be baffled and say, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
and then you say, "Oh, uhhh,,, psych! J/k j/k. Um.... what?"
and then say you're going on a trip and you'll call them when you come back, and pretend to have a really great date in the Niagara Falls area, so obviously things won't be weird.
THAT IS MY BEST ADVICE. 

I recently read that hair parted to the left indicates weakness. I have a left part. Should I change it? Is there any validity to this hypothesis?

I don't know. You should change your part every once in a while to give your bangs more volume and pizazz anyway. Be a bangs switch. Everyone likes that.  They'll think you're versatile.

Why is it so hard to ask someone (a babe) out? 
p.s. There are babes in this bookstore right now...

WHAT IF THIS PERSON MEANT BABIES!????
If memories serves, there were no infants present when this question was asked, but still. What If.
Anyway, good looking adults, why is it hard? That's not advice, that's opinion.
I guess it's hard because you fear rejection, but what's the worst that could happen? You're embarrassed for a minute? Who cares. You'll survive, the world will keep turning, and you can use the practice.

It hurts when I pee. Thoughts?

First thought: UTI
Second thought: Go to the doctor.

Hi. I get very deeply & emotionally attached to animals, especially cats, since my family was fucked up when I was a kid and the only creature I felt loved me was my cat. 8 years ago I got a cat whom I loved more than anything; immediately I began having anxiety. 5 years ago she was diagnosed with a chronic illness and I spiralled into a deep anxiety for years. She died in September and I loved her truly, but I don't know if I should ever get another cat. What do you think?

I think you should get another cat.
I think you need some time, and I think you need to work on your anxiety. Once you have some anxiety management tools in place, I think a cat could be great for you. They are energy healers, you know...