FIRST OF ALL: IF YOU ARE A MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENT OR ARE UNDER 18, GET OUT OF HERE. SHOO! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU.
YOU CAN READ THIS IN 6-8 YEARS WHEN YOU ARE OF AGE.
Now that we've taken care of that...
This week I am delighted to offer advice from four certified geniuses instead of just one.
We are here to tackle your advice questions from our respective hometowns in California, Oregon and New York.
|Kirk Read (San Francisco) is a performance artist, all around great guy, and author of the book How I Learned to Snap .|
|Tara Jepsen (Los Angeles) is a comedienne, and a brilliant writer. She & Kirk Read previously hosted Kvetch in San Francisco. Photo by Amos Mac.|
Amos Mac (New York) is a photographer at large, and editor of OP: Original Plumbing and Translady Fanzine.
and me (Portland), literally THE smartest person in America, aside from these three.
Photo by Amos Mac.
How do I stop having a crush on someone? I legit wanna be friends with this girl because she's awesome in a particular way that other people in my life aren't and she's said she cares a lot about me and really wants to have me in her life as a friend (and I believe her - don't think she's being polite), but I can't kill this crush I have on her. We've hooked up several times, had romance-y things, but she's on the other side of the country, in grad school, and not available for any of that anymore. Under different circumstances, I'd wanna be girlfriends. Right now I'm just not talking to her, but I don't wanna cut her off forever and I also don't wanna be in hard crush agony. Help!
Hard Crush Agony
Kirk Read: Have anonymous sex because it will help you shake off this cross country emailing friend.
Amos Mac: Watch a few seasons of a favorite guilty pleasure t.v. show within 48 hours to "get your mind off of things" then post 3 different Craigslist casual encounter posts using 3 of your most diverse personality traits, but allow them all to go to the same email address.
It works. At least for like 3 days.
Tara Jepsen: Just stop it. Don't over-think. If you won't let go, it's a surrogate for other feelings.
Call it what it is and keep it to yourself. Don't make it the other person's problem.
Nicole J. Georges: "The quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
It is true! It is wise.
More remedies for heart-sickness include:
-Loud punk music
-Really good books
-Hanging out with old friends who can give you a little perspective on how small a blip this is on your epic timeline
-Volunteering at a place where you are interacting with other humans and can't think of the person.
-Throwing yourself into something you're good at.
-Parceling out how much of this crush was projection and how much was reality.
-Look at really awkward photos of them online.
-Watch the saddest movie of all time, Grave of the Fireflies, and remember that there are bigger problems in the world than your love life.
-Falling asleep really early
-Make a list of all the people you've ever had crushes on, so you can get a little perspective.
Ask an old friend to help you compile this list so you can feel the hot shame of having been head over heels for some truly rank individuals.
Is it true that Portland lesbians will not date femmes who dated transguys? if so, what is the reason?
Kirk Read: It's true. Portland is full of ruined women and these lesbians are just holding a line.
Amos Mac: This is a true or false question? I have no idea what Portland lesbians do. Sounds complicated and none of my business. Who cares who dates who... date who you LIKE regardless of gender... or don't. Did I even answer that?
Tara Jepsen: That is stupid shit that doesn't matter in the world. When the right person comes along, you guys choose each other.
Nicole J. Georges: My research indicates that having dated a trans-dude is not a barrier to dating lesbians in Portland, Oregon. The greater issue, in my opinion, is the idea that having dated dudes, you could identify as bi-sexual. *That* can be sticky when it comes to the Gold Star crowd.
In my experience, this community is more bi-phobic than they are trans-sensual-phobic.
At the end of the day, whomever you are dating or wanting to date needs to Take You or Leave You as you are.
You are not going to change the past, and you don't need to spend all of your time calming someones anxiety about it.
If you wanted to be with a dude you'd be with a dude, but instead you chose to date the person at hand,
so they just need to be able to sit with that and absorb your awesome summertime love vibes while they can!
My friends always try to set me up with unmotivated slackers who work in the deli at New Seasons. What gives?!
Where can I meet a tall hot motivated guy who likes it rough?
Don't let your friends set you up. Wait for the right dummy to knock on your door like the rest of us.
Kirk Read: Don't try to marry hot sex, have it on the side. Dress more slutty if you want someone to be rough.
Amos Mac: What is "New Seasons"? Where do you live? Deli guys can be hot AND rough... maybe you just need to find a more motivated deli guy, or move to Brooklyn.
Nicole J. Georges: I think the deli counter at New Seasons could be JUST the place to find a tall hot guy who likes it rough. Am I wrong?
As for the motivation part, welcome to Portland. I'm afraid I may be the wrong person to ask about where to find motivated men. The City Grill????
I'm sorry I've failed you, kind reader.
What if after many years of very questionable borderline behavior on the part of your parent, you just can't take it any more and you need to cease communication?
How would you say that without triggering your bad boundaries parent into acting out worse and showing up at your work?!
TJ: You can't control your parent. Do what's right and if they show up at your work keep doing your job. Let your manager knock when and if it happens, but not before.
KR: Parents are important. Figure this out with them without burning the bridge.
AM: A mediated break-up therapy session with the parent and a therapist.
NG: I suggest a certain anonymous fellowship whose members have sometimes had experience cutting troublesome parents out of their lives in order to maintain their own sanity.
Make boundaries, keep them, and steel yourself to the results. She may freak out but you do not have to react.