Getting Harsh, Embracing Western Medicine.

Dear Nicole,

First, I want to let you know that I admire you very much and think you are super cool and rad and beautiful. Second of all, I am confused about my feelings and what I should do in my love life! I have been with my boyfriend for a little bit over a year and although I love him and our relationship is fun and fulfilling emotionally, sex-wise it's not cutting it. I'm kind of bored and before we were together, I was a girl who changed partners a lot and I kind of want that. We've talked about an open/poly-amorous relationship and he does not want to do it at all. I don't want to break up with him but I'm just not that happy with that--plus, we also have an hour or so distance between us that makes for a mostly weekends relationship, which I am tired of as well. Also, I am a queer girl who has never had sex with a lady, but want to and have been thinking about it more and more. I think maybe I should just not be such a wuss and end our relationship but also I am afraid of being alone forever and no one loving me. And also I like him a lot and when we are together, we have a lot of fun and happy times--I think I said that. What do you think I should do?

Love,
Sex-crazed and confused


Dear Sex Crazed,

Sounds like you want to break up.

But you're hesitating and you'll feel guilty about it for a minute, so
Let's pretend there's another option for a second....

You can go one of two routes in this situation:
1. give it the old college try .
Do you want to be in a long term monogamous relationship? If you do, then i say take the reigns and put some more effort into your sex life with this dude before you totally kick him to the curb. Suggest something you want to do. Give him encouraging pointers. See what he's up for. I give this method One Month. If he's not game, and does not show improvement within a month, then dude is toast.


2. Goodbye, Dude.
My first instinct is to tell you to break it off with this dude.
Sex is important. Especially within the first year, it's one of the main things differentiating this dude from your best friend.
Also, what is up with dating for a YEAR with all that distance between you? If neither of you feels inspired enough to bridge the gap and be around each other for more than a weekend at a time, then what is the point? What are we getting at with this?

It's only been a year. you're not very old.

You don't need to be in a lukewarm marriage at this point in your life.
He is never going to be comfortable with polyamoury, and the longer you stay in a sex-free monogamous relationship, the longer you are going without having the awesome sex you deserve, and the further and further you get from having sex with a lady.

You could die tomorrow, so find a relationship that satisfies you for today at the Very LEAST!

p.s. You will not die alone. I can feel , psychically, that you are not very old.

p.p.s. You are preventing this guy from finding the monogamous, vanilla woman of his dreams by holding on to him in your vein attempt to escape loneliness. Be Fair.







Dear Nicole,
my friend just transitioned (ftm) & I really hate his new name. should I tell my friend his new name sucks & is really a pet name used in bed?!

- Sad Tranny NYC

Dear Sad Tranny,
Don't tell him!
He probably labored over this and thinks it's a truly awesome name, and you will just hurt his feelings.
In the meantime, suggestions:

-Perhaps saying this name enough times will desensitize you to it's heinous qualities.
Just say it : Fluffy Fluffy Fluffy Fluffy.

-Have hope, friend.
There have been documented cases of people changing their name more than once when they found that a certain name wasn't their style.

OR

-Take Matters Into Your Own Hands.
What if you found a great nickname for your friend and tried to get it to catch on?
A pet name, like "sport" . then other people might hear you call him that, you can refer to him when he's not around,("Hey Did You Hear What Me and Sport Did This Weekend?" "who's sport?" "Oh Sorry, That's What I Call Fluffy") and maybe it will catch on and that will replace the name Fluffy.
Good Luck!



Dear Nicole,
if i use a feral cat i found in the snow...to feed the raccoons that live in my walls...am i automatically a "dog-person"....or am i just into lookin' out for my own?
-Cabin Fever in Portland

Dear Cabin Fever,
You are definitely a dog person.

-N.g.






Dear Nicole,

My vagina itches. Really itches. Sometimes it's all I can do not to take a Brillo pad to my dearly betrayed lady parts. And who's responsible for this? Me, it's sad, itchy owner. Seems that the food the rest of my body craves turn my junk into a sourdough factory. It's not like I have a terrible diet--I don't eat meat or many processed foods. I'm sweet on leafy greens and legumes. I chew spelt on the regular. Shit, I go on double dates with keifir and yogurt.

Despite this not-so-terrible diet of mine, it turns out that the food I'm most romantical with--sweet, cold Hamm's in a can--is just the food that make my mons all itchy-scratchy. Not cool, Hamm's, especially when I've been so loyal to you. All your other friends have either switched to microbrews or left you for jobs and families and shit. But I'm still here, listening to you bitch about Pabst.

So my drink of choice makes my vag itch, yes, but the remedies aren't all that heinous. I mean, shit, there are worse things in life than shoving raw garlic in your hole and douching with yogurt, right? Things like sobriety. So, my question: how many cloves is it cool to shove into the darkness at once? And once at capacity, how long do I keep that shit marinating? Also, is there any substance I could substitute for my beloved Hamm's that would lessen the yeast effect? Please don't say water.

Love,
Itchy in NC

P.s.
I forgot to mention that I wear really tight pants and don't want change that either.




Dear Itchy,
So you want something in your life to change, BUT you don't want to make changes.... Interesting Perspective!

Get ready for an onslaught of hippie yeast infection recipes on the comment board (spare me,Portland );

BUT here is MY advice:
go to the store and get some Monistat.
there is nothing worse than a yeast infection. NOTHING WORSE. (except for a UTI i guess...)

If walking around with the dental floss leashes for twelve pieces of garlic in your junk isn't doing the trick and is getting tiresome, there is nothing wrong with going to the pharmacy and getting some medicine from modern times.
It's cool to be Of The Earth, but it is not cool to feel irritated 24/7 because you have cheese coming out of your vagina. seriously!

After this is cleared up, you need to make some changes, lest it come back with a vengeance!

You have to drink something with less yeasty sugar.
If you need something with less sugar, try vodka like Monopolowa.
It is delicious.
If you need to look punk, drink whiskey. Get a flask. Very Punk.
You'll need less to get drunk (which your body will appreciate) and you will look very hard.
Wear cotton underwear.
As for your pants? i don't know what your gender deal is, but could you sacrifice and wear a short skirt for a while? Just a few days. You can wear it with some cotton leggings or something.
If that is too womanly for your tastes, I say invest in a onesie. That being a one piece outfit, sort of like a mechanic would wear. One that is loose enough that it doesn't further infect your crotch. Not only will you look cute and be a walking conversation-starter (do NOT tell people you're wearing it for yeast prevention), but you'll be giving your crotch a break.

when you're at home, chill out in pajama pants. Put on your skin tight outfits only when you leave the house.

That's my advice.
The doctor has spoken.

Sisterhood is Powerful, and offering to Kick the Ass of Other People's Enemies.

Dear Nicole,
Without delving into the ridiculous drama surrounding my ex-boyfriend and myself, I'll give you a brief summary of what's been going on: After being friends for about a year, my ex and I developed feelings, dated for 9 months and were totally in love and great together. He broke up with me about two-three months ago and a month later, him and my best friend were together. I know the best option would be to have dropped both of them, but my relationships with them were too strong and I have major soft spots for both of them, so I've kept them both in my life. It hasn't been easy, but I'm attempting to deal.
The problem is I started sleeping with my ex again a couple weeks ago; we hooked up a couple times, stopped, and two days ago we were hanging out and ended up hooking up again. I know this is completely wrong, unhealthy, stupid, everything, but he's the one initiating all of this and I get the feeling he's regretting breaking up with me for her, at least a little bit. I expect you'll tell me to stop this from happening again, but my big question is Why am I feeling no remorse for what I've been doing? I don't feel bad at all, and that's what's been bothering me the most about the situation. I'm sworn to secrecy with all of this, so I have no one else to ask this advice of.
Signed,
No Conscience in Cleveland

Dear No Conscience,
Dude. So, your ex boyfriend is dating your best friend? And now you're cheating with him on her? ...?....!?

Have you ever heard the term Frenemy? A frenemy is someone disguised as a friend, who actually does not have your best interests in mind and will secretly tear you down while being ruthlessly friendly to your face.
You , at this moment, are a frenemy to this girl. So you need to cut it out.
Cut out pretending to be her friend. It’s not serving either of you.

Here is why I think that you feel nothing: You’re engaging in the old Eye for an Eye act. A song as old as time. You obviously have resentment towards this girl that you have not let go of, and now you’re getting your sweet revenge for their bad boundaries by having Even Worse boundaries. VERY anti feminist.

I'm sure it feels validating to get attention from someone who once dissed you, and to feel like you're better than your friend because he is Choosing You Over Her, but You are not Karma’s right hand man, and you don’t need to get your hands dirty by hurting someone else.

And on to your partner in crime:
How does this dude get off scott-free in the situation and get to throw it in BOTH of you, while simultaneously tearing you apart from each other? That makes me want to breathe fire. Not feminist. No girl solidarity happening here, just letting dudes create a wedge and scarcity dynamics between you. Not necessary.
Being supportive feminist allies in a patriarchal, misogynistic society is So Much More Important and soul nourishing than getting some sloppy seconds from your piece-of-shit, amoral EX boyfriend! Seriously. You have to know this.

I think there are healthier people in the world you can hang out with, and there is a path of least drama that is well worth taking if you want any mental relaxation in your life.
Life need not resemble and Avril Lavigne song.
Xoxo
n.g.


Hi Nicole,

Recently, I've started to notice things about myself that really didn't occur to me when I was younger. Mainly, how easily influenced I am by other people. I’m in university studying pre-med, but I don't really know why I decided to, or if I really want to. I'm really creative and pretty good at art but I didn't pursue it because I figured that I wouldn't make enough money doing it, and that In order to be really successful at it I would have to be better than I was. Everything from my likes to my dislikes has been influenced by my family or my friends. I don't really know anything about politics, current news or art history; I can't dance, play an instrument or even swim. I feel like I have nothing going for me and I want to change that, and try to discover who I am. I just don't know where to start. I'm having a total and complete identity crisis. I was hoping you could give me some suggestions on how I could get to know myself better, or reinvent myself so I am my own person.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

dazed and confused


Dear Dazed and Confused,
It seems like you need some headspace.
I wonder if, during the summertime, you can do something totally radical that you’ve always wanted to do?
Make a list of what you know makes you happy, or what you’ve always wanted to try. A literal, piece of paper list. Tack it up somewhere. Over your desk or on your refrigerator. Look at it every day. Add things to it as they come to mind.

If it were me, I would go do an internship at a farm or an animal refuge for a month (where you live there and work for free), then go visit a couple of friends out of town, then go and spend some time alone on the coast or in a cabin or on a trip. Three months full of solid reflection and nourishing inspiration. How does that sound?

If you need more time than the summer has to offer, Then I would like to remind you that No one is going to die if you leave school for a year. You can always re-apply if you leave and decide that it is actually your heart’s desire. Some people may be momentarily disappointed , but you may find a completely different, fulfilling, and nourishing new trajectory for your life, (plus the skill of bravery from standing up to your school or parents) which seems like a worthy trade off.
Wouldn’t it feel so much better to return to school on your own terms, knowing that this is something you are consciously Choosing after weighing all the different options for yourself?
Good Luck, and I hope you have a summer full of adventure and swimming lessons.

n.g.








hey nicole,

so there's this girl who's out to get me. i don't get it. we used to be good friends and then one day, she stopped talking to me completely. i asked her what was up and she said she didn't want to tell me. so i said "alright, if that's the way you feel" and left it at that. we haven't talked for months. then the other day, at my friend's birthday party, she stuffs cake all over my face and hair. in front of all my friends and everyone. what is her problem! (i even asked her this after she caked me and she laughed in my face and left the house.) i honestly don't know what to do. i can be the bigger person and just ignore it, but i also don't want her to mess with me anymore and i want her to leave me the fuck alone.

signed, fed up with high school drama bullshit.


Dear Fed Up with High School Drama Bullshit,

When reading this letter, I imagine the scenario kind of like a movie. And in the movie that is your life, I wish that when she started in on the cake shoving, that you responded by punching her in the face. But in real life, that would get you safer-spaced out of town in a heartbeat.
What you COULD do is practice some offense based self defense. Write her an email and say “I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to leave me the fuck alone.”

When you see her in public you don’t need to punk her out, but you do need to vibe that you need her to stay away from you. If she comes up to you, you have a right to say “Stay away from me. I am not into you.” If she doesn’t stay away from you, I think you should say it louder I ALREADY ASKED YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. . , or just leave.
Is there a friend you have who can be your ally? Someone who can have your back if they see her messing with you? Not in a violent way, but if you need to leave a situation, or you need someone as a witness, they can be there to help out, and to give you a hug if you're feeling upset. I recommend it!
Good luck, and please know that I would be very willing to kick this person’s ass for you.
Sincerely
n.g.

Dear Nicole,
First, I just want to say I think yr advice column is the best there is. My situation is basically this. I currently live in an area far from Portland, OR, but I am making it my goal by January 2010 to move there. I have visited there twice, as I had dated someone there years back, and I fell in love with it. Could you possibly please assist me in any way with the best way to score a job in the non-profit social services field, and a place to live, whether or not I bring a friend or two from here out there with me when I/we move? I feel like this might be tricky, trying to land a job and an apartment when I essentially live on the other side of the country. I have moved around a lot in the past, and it's always failed, due to NOT going out there with a job nor a stable place to live, and I don't want to make that same mistake again. I'd appreciate any and all help you can give, and, again, I think yr advice is pretty much always right on target, so that's why I'm coming to you.

Love,
Depressed, Lonely, Cold, Tired, Cranky, and Poor in Not Portland



Dear DLCTCaPnNP,

Here is my real, practical advice:
Move here and sign up with a temp agency. You can probably afford to work part, or ¾ time in Portland and still totally thrive. While you are temping, send resumes to non profits; but mainly, start volunteering at a non profit that you like, so as to get your foot in the door. See if you like them, and get them to like you. The next time a job opens up, you will have displayed your dedication and good work ethic , and will have a much larger advantage in the company than if you were a random Portland transplant off the street looking for the same job.
There is something here called CNRG that is a list serve you can get on which posts non profit job openings and calls for volunteers.
As far as housing is concerned, I think you may have a hard time finding something from cold calling craigslist people. What you need is someone on the ground here in Portland to give you a heads up when living situations arise. In addition, I would consider looking up some rental agencies and keeping in touch with them about your situation, asking their advice, and seeing if they can find you some good apartments or houses before they get on the general, rat-race market.
Good luck!
Xoxo
n.g.




*image at top of page from LTTR

Getting Catty.

Heyyy Nicole.

So about 6 months ago I got out of a pretty serious sometimes-long-distance relationship. It took me a few months to get over her, but now that I am, I'm so ready for something new. The bad news is that, being only 18 and graduating high school this spring, it's been difficult to find cute girls who aren't way older than me that I have to lie about my age to! Last weekend, though, I had coffee with a pretty cute bi girl that I know through my school's GSA that graduated last year and is going to the local university. During our conversation, the topic of crushes came up and she said that she had had a crush on me during high school. I said that I did too (not sure why; I didn't really), and after that the night kind of turned into a date.
My problem is that I don't think I'm that into her, and she keeps texting me saying things like "how was your day?" and "whatcha up to?". I don't want a girlfriend before we've even kissed (which she has never done with a girl, by the way)! But at the same time, it's kind of nice to be pursued and to know that I probably will get some action out of it. I just don't want the emotional attachment. Should I go through with it? Should I just drop it? Should I wait another nine months until I'm in college (the same college that she's going to...)?

Signed,
Anon


Dear Anon,

I think you should drop it.
It will only make you feel bad that you don’t share the feelings and level of seriousity that this person obviously has attached to you.
It would be best for you to find “action” with someone for whom this could be a little more free wheeling and less loaded (i.e. her first lesbionic kiss).

Sincerely,
n.g.




Dear Nicole,
my friend recently false advertised something as a "cat are collective". I really liked the idea, being a cat artist myself, and got really excited. When I went to check it out it was nothing but a dance ensemble. WHAT? Dance is art too.. but come on! So, I told her I would consider making an actual cat art collective.. with all mediums and she never responded to the proposal. Was this bad? I dont' want to start any wars.. but if I did start one, would you join?
Cat Warrior



Dear Cat Warrior,
1. I think that when you brought the word ACTUAL into the conversation, you stepped on some toes. Sounds offensive. I advise and apology.
2. I would not join a cat art collective. If it were a collective of cats on their hind legs who wore berets and worked on paintings all day, then MAYBE; but as it is, i have a hard enough time mastering the face of the feline alone without having to Share or work around other Humans.



Dear Nicole,

I have a few problems in my life right now. The first problem is that I can't stop being attracted to people I don't like very much, like big burly mountain men, manarchists, and blond stumptown baristas. The second problem is that I can't stop sleeping over ten hours every night! The third problem is that I can't stop going on the internet when I'm supposed to be doing other stuff, like right now. Which I guess says something about my fourth problem, which is that I need to do a lot of stuff that I can't seem to do. Could you come up with one solution, because I don't have a lot of time in my life to devote to self-improvement.

Thanks
Can't stop doing stuff, Portland





Dear Can’t Stop,

1. Try going out on a date with one of these people you don’t like very much. I'm totally serious. If truly, you don’t like each other in real life, then perhaps the experience will leave you with the lasting gift of an Awkward Memory which you can access the next time you're faced with a burly Stumptown manarchist.

2. Maybe your body needs ten hours of sleep a night right now. Eat at least one serving of dark leafy greens a day, and try waking yourself up in the morning with an Emergen-C packet in your water dish.

3. Have entire Computer Free Days , where you do every bit of work you can possibly do that does not involve a computer. Don’t open it when you wake up in the morning, don’t check it at noon. Only after you get every scrap of work done are you permitted to glance at the world wide web. Hide your computer under your bed if need-be, or put a sheet over it with a note that says DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME.

4. Other than that, schedule internet breaks into your daily schedule, and stick to them.
A sample would be: 10-11 a.m. work on term paper 11-2 p.m. research dog care 2-2:20 check myspace 2:20-3 eat Linner

Good luck.

n.g.



Dear Nicole,
I just recently started a band. My first band ever! Two of the three other bandmates have played together before and are very familiar with each others style. The third person in our band is new to our circle and is very talented. All their styles kind of clash, but when they jammed (they because I just sing and watch.. and refill beers)they sounded amazing!
Within an hour they had their first song written.. (is that good?).

Anyhow.. a few days later (after what I thought to be a successful practice) my long term grumpy friend of course said she didn't know about the new girl, said maybe she was "a little too much". I found her "little too much" actually to be an asset.

The complaining girl has a history of complaining about everyone so I didn't take it to heart. The thing I want to know.. is, how can I keep her on track? I told her is she wasn't comfortable with the girl that she should address it with her to prevent future awkwardness between us all, but she won't. SO! What do I do? I don't want to be an amazing band where one person is talking shit about the others the whole time.. that vibe potentially could ruin the whole experience. On the other hand, I could take if for face value.. that she really is never satisfied with anything or anyone.. and let it go. I just am confused as I have never been in this situation.

Signed, Band Mate in Bend

Dear Bandmate,

I would never want to be in a band with somebody who I knew would complain about me to our fellow bandmates from the get-go. That sounds like a recipe for drama.
Your bandmate sounds like a bad combination of Debbie Downer plus a coward. If this is a sign of what is to come, I say Get Out Now. You are all taking creative risks, and if one person is going to be a catty shithead about it, it ruins the fun for everyone.
Plenty of bands need singers, I say find another.
BUT
in case you don't want to follow my advice, and decide to stay in this situation, avoid drama by cutting her off. "I can't talk about our band mates behind their backs. Sorry. Talk to her about it." is all you need to say.

Hold Your Horses

Hold your horses. The column will be up tonight or tomorrow morning. At The Latest!

xoxo
n.g.

NJG on WK Radio This Friday!

Hi there. I am going to be on WK Radio this Friday from 9:30 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. Giving live advice.

But i need your help!

If you would like to ask a question on the air, please send me your name, your phone number, and the topic of your call. I will call you on Friday and we can talk about your problems!
Email advice at nicole j. georges dot com

Iceberg Lettuce, Alaska, and a Nymphomaniac.

Hi Nicole,

I'm a gay girl who lives in a sizable but not huge town in central Kentucky. I've been out for two years. I'm 21.

Pretty much all of my friends are straight.

I have close friends, lots of casual friends, and many acquaintances. I feel like my social network grows each and every day. I'm a friendly, amiable person. I go out all the time (to parties, shows, etc.) and I'm sociable. I meet new people. I get along with people well.

But a lot of the time I just end up falling for straight girls because that's who I am around the most.

I want a girlfriend or just some kind of experience. I've drunkenly made out with a friend twice and that's all I got.

All my friends tell me that I either need to a) make friends with "the lesbians" and/or b) go out to the gay clubs and bars more. The thing is, I don't have the time to make a bunch of new friends. And I think it's kinda backwards to try to become friends with someone just based on their sexual orientation.

They tell me I'm an awesome person and I'm cute and that I deserve to have a girlfriend or hook-up or whatever. They say I don't put myself out there and I should just go up to girls and start making out with them. I tell them that I don't have that much confidence and even if I did I'm afraid of committing sexual harassment in that situation.

And of course I feel lame and left out when everyone else is hooking up and getting boyfriends and girlfriends and I'm going home alone again. I can't help but be intensely jealous.

Is it just a waiting game? Or do I need to throw myself into the culture? Is it possible to get a girlfriend without being friends with lesbians and going out to gay bars all the time?


Frustrated and Waiting



Hi Frustrated and Waiting,
Okay man. Let me break it down for you:
1. It is NOT backwards to make friends with people based on something that you have in common. Don’t be ridiculous. That’s how humans get along , their commonalities. In this case, it’s sexual orientation.
You hanging out with only straight people and wondering why you don’t have a girlfriend is like me going to Outback Steakhouse and wondering why I wasn’t served tofu. Your drunken straight girl makeouts? The equivalent to an iceburg lettuce salad. No nutritional value! Unsustainable as food! You don’t need it.

2. If I were you, I would try to find a gay function in my town via the internet. Make Myspace friends with a lesbian in your land and let her lead you to a potluck or a book club or a dyke show.
OR , go to anything labeled “feminist” and you will find your people. Seriously.
Do not listen to your friends who say to just “walk up to someone and make out with them”. That is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

3. Go to a gay bar. Bring a friend who could not be construed as your date. An obviously gay man would be my choice for this. Look friendly. Talk to people as a team (it will take the pressure off), buy somebody a drink. Mingle!
Make eye contact and try to send heart fluttering vibes the way of someone you think is cute.
Sneak a note into someone’s pocket telling them that you want to have coffee with them. Something!
The worst that could happen is they suck or they’re not interested.
No problem, just bid them farewell and return to your friend whom you came with.
In conclusion,
I find it is very fulfilling to hang out with people who have core similarities to myself. Be it vegetarianism, punk, or an understanding of queer culture. You will be surprised how different it feels to be around a pack of lesbians than a pack of straight dudes, FaW, I guarantee it.
Give it a shot and Go get what you deserve. Tofu, greens, fisting and all..







hi nicole,
so my ex and i ended on not so great terms (yelling, slamming doors, etc) and we also had a rocky relationship that should have ended ages before it did. We haven't talked in 3 months. I have a new gf, that I'm really happy about.
the question: her birthday is coming up in a week or so... do I send her a simple card to let her know I still care and maybe we can be friends in the future? Or do I let it die and move on?? Thanks!
Sincerely,
Anonymous

Hi there, Door slammer.
I think you should send a very simple note that says someone along the lines of “I hope you have a really nice birthday. Sincerely, so and so”. I don’t think you need to get wordy or mention the hope of friendship some day, just let her know that you remember and that you are a person in the universe who still cares.
Good luck!
n.g.



Dear Nicole,
I moved to a new town recently and have been going on internet dates like three times a week. I am not finding what I want. I’ve left a wake of one night stands, And the only guys interested in dating me are the ones I never want to see again. Have I cursed myself into nympho-dom?
Signed,
e-maler

Dear E-Maler,
What is your goal in online dating? If it’s to get laid, then I think you’re doing a good job. But from your letter, it appears that you’re not looking to get laid by the greater metro area.
It seems like you want a date.


If you’re looking for a boyfriend, then Slow down!
You are not obligated to have sex with someone just because they are cute and available

First order of business:
STOP SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE ON THE FIRST DATE. In order to figure out someone’s potential , you need to talk to them. I think conversations will flow more easily and honestly WITHOUT a dick in the mouth of either participant.
So Slow Down. It’s not going to fall off if you don’t use it, and if it’s the right person, you have the rest of your lives (or you know, the rest of the relationship) to fuck each other’s faces off.

RELEASE THE BEAST. I’ll bet that after going on three dates a week for however long, you have a solid Little Black Book of sex partners. There has got to be at least one person in there who would be stoked to have you as their Friend With Benefits. You could sleep with this person once or twice a week (without sleeping over or giving them the wrong impression) just to take the edge off, so that you don’t feel like a blood thirsty vampire gazing upon an exposed neck when you’re on a first date with somebody totally hot and likable. It will also let you focus on the person’s personality on the first date, which is way way more important for boyfriendship than their ass riding abilities.

Good luck. And don’t catch anything.

p.s.
You can have great sex with someone you hate. Keep that in mind. Doing it with someone straight away will not tell you anything about their ability to be your boyfriend.







Dear Nicole,
What do you do if your ex-boyfriend offers to buy you a plane ticket to Alaska to visit him & you’ve always always always wanted to go to Alaska, like since high school, but you’re pretty sure you’ll have to put out for said plane ticket once you get there and the last time he visited it was nice pretending to be bf/gf again, but also weird and you promised yourself you wouldn’t sleep with him anymore, still you really really want to go to Alaska, should you go or not?
Signed,
Nun-nook

Dear Nun-nook,
If you promised yourself that you wouldn’t sleep with him anymore, Then you should not go to Alaska.
Think of how much better (and less like the movie Pretty Woman) it would feel to plan a trip to Alaska with a friend whom you do not feel sex pressure or emotional strain with. Empowering! Fun! No emotional damage necessary!

Sincerely
n.g.
p.s. I would also advise you to make clear to this person that you can’t sleep with him any more because you are not dating and it makes you feel conflicted. Instead of having the specter of a false and loaded relationship hanging over your friendship, you can have honesty and clarity and start something new and more light hearted with him. Consider.

SURVEY QUESTION FOR READERS:

What percentage of Lesbians do you think engage in fisting?

Please comment your response. We are taking a poll.
You are also welcome to note the following with your answer:
-Whether you have large or small hands and
-Whether you have ever actually engaged in this activity we call Fisting.

I am being totally serious. Thank you for your help with this matter!