Getting Catty.

Heyyy Nicole.

So about 6 months ago I got out of a pretty serious sometimes-long-distance relationship. It took me a few months to get over her, but now that I am, I'm so ready for something new. The bad news is that, being only 18 and graduating high school this spring, it's been difficult to find cute girls who aren't way older than me that I have to lie about my age to! Last weekend, though, I had coffee with a pretty cute bi girl that I know through my school's GSA that graduated last year and is going to the local university. During our conversation, the topic of crushes came up and she said that she had had a crush on me during high school. I said that I did too (not sure why; I didn't really), and after that the night kind of turned into a date.
My problem is that I don't think I'm that into her, and she keeps texting me saying things like "how was your day?" and "whatcha up to?". I don't want a girlfriend before we've even kissed (which she has never done with a girl, by the way)! But at the same time, it's kind of nice to be pursued and to know that I probably will get some action out of it. I just don't want the emotional attachment. Should I go through with it? Should I just drop it? Should I wait another nine months until I'm in college (the same college that she's going to...)?

Signed,
Anon


Dear Anon,

I think you should drop it.
It will only make you feel bad that you don’t share the feelings and level of seriousity that this person obviously has attached to you.
It would be best for you to find “action” with someone for whom this could be a little more free wheeling and less loaded (i.e. her first lesbionic kiss).

Sincerely,
n.g.




Dear Nicole,
my friend recently false advertised something as a "cat are collective". I really liked the idea, being a cat artist myself, and got really excited. When I went to check it out it was nothing but a dance ensemble. WHAT? Dance is art too.. but come on! So, I told her I would consider making an actual cat art collective.. with all mediums and she never responded to the proposal. Was this bad? I dont' want to start any wars.. but if I did start one, would you join?
Cat Warrior



Dear Cat Warrior,
1. I think that when you brought the word ACTUAL into the conversation, you stepped on some toes. Sounds offensive. I advise and apology.
2. I would not join a cat art collective. If it were a collective of cats on their hind legs who wore berets and worked on paintings all day, then MAYBE; but as it is, i have a hard enough time mastering the face of the feline alone without having to Share or work around other Humans.



Dear Nicole,

I have a few problems in my life right now. The first problem is that I can't stop being attracted to people I don't like very much, like big burly mountain men, manarchists, and blond stumptown baristas. The second problem is that I can't stop sleeping over ten hours every night! The third problem is that I can't stop going on the internet when I'm supposed to be doing other stuff, like right now. Which I guess says something about my fourth problem, which is that I need to do a lot of stuff that I can't seem to do. Could you come up with one solution, because I don't have a lot of time in my life to devote to self-improvement.

Thanks
Can't stop doing stuff, Portland





Dear Can’t Stop,

1. Try going out on a date with one of these people you don’t like very much. I'm totally serious. If truly, you don’t like each other in real life, then perhaps the experience will leave you with the lasting gift of an Awkward Memory which you can access the next time you're faced with a burly Stumptown manarchist.

2. Maybe your body needs ten hours of sleep a night right now. Eat at least one serving of dark leafy greens a day, and try waking yourself up in the morning with an Emergen-C packet in your water dish.

3. Have entire Computer Free Days , where you do every bit of work you can possibly do that does not involve a computer. Don’t open it when you wake up in the morning, don’t check it at noon. Only after you get every scrap of work done are you permitted to glance at the world wide web. Hide your computer under your bed if need-be, or put a sheet over it with a note that says DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME.

4. Other than that, schedule internet breaks into your daily schedule, and stick to them.
A sample would be: 10-11 a.m. work on term paper 11-2 p.m. research dog care 2-2:20 check myspace 2:20-3 eat Linner

Good luck.

n.g.



Dear Nicole,
I just recently started a band. My first band ever! Two of the three other bandmates have played together before and are very familiar with each others style. The third person in our band is new to our circle and is very talented. All their styles kind of clash, but when they jammed (they because I just sing and watch.. and refill beers)they sounded amazing!
Within an hour they had their first song written.. (is that good?).

Anyhow.. a few days later (after what I thought to be a successful practice) my long term grumpy friend of course said she didn't know about the new girl, said maybe she was "a little too much". I found her "little too much" actually to be an asset.

The complaining girl has a history of complaining about everyone so I didn't take it to heart. The thing I want to know.. is, how can I keep her on track? I told her is she wasn't comfortable with the girl that she should address it with her to prevent future awkwardness between us all, but she won't. SO! What do I do? I don't want to be an amazing band where one person is talking shit about the others the whole time.. that vibe potentially could ruin the whole experience. On the other hand, I could take if for face value.. that she really is never satisfied with anything or anyone.. and let it go. I just am confused as I have never been in this situation.

Signed, Band Mate in Bend

Dear Bandmate,

I would never want to be in a band with somebody who I knew would complain about me to our fellow bandmates from the get-go. That sounds like a recipe for drama.
Your bandmate sounds like a bad combination of Debbie Downer plus a coward. If this is a sign of what is to come, I say Get Out Now. You are all taking creative risks, and if one person is going to be a catty shithead about it, it ruins the fun for everyone.
Plenty of bands need singers, I say find another.
BUT
in case you don't want to follow my advice, and decide to stay in this situation, avoid drama by cutting her off. "I can't talk about our band mates behind their backs. Sorry. Talk to her about it." is all you need to say.