America's Smartest Girl

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portland, oregon
America's Smartest Girl, Nicole Georges, channels her powers for good as she drums up answers to the world's most complicated questions.

Romance, Career, Health, Pets, Finance. Send questions to Nicole via twitter (@nicolejgeorges) or addressed to her via advice@b-word.org. No suicidal inquiries. Please limit all questions to 150 words or less.

THIS ADVICE IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Iceberg Lettuce, Alaska, and a Nymphomaniac.


Hi Nicole,

I'm a gay girl who lives in a sizable but not huge town in central Kentucky. I've been out for two years. I'm 21.

Pretty much all of my friends are straight.

I have close friends, lots of casual friends, and many acquaintances. I feel like my social network grows each and every day. I'm a friendly, amiable person. I go out all the time (to parties, shows, etc.) and I'm sociable. I meet new people. I get along with people well.

But a lot of the time I just end up falling for straight girls because that's who I am around the most.

I want a girlfriend or just some kind of experience. I've drunkenly made out with a friend twice and that's all I got.

All my friends tell me that I either need to a) make friends with "the lesbians" and/or b) go out to the gay clubs and bars more. The thing is, I don't have the time to make a bunch of new friends. And I think it's kinda backwards to try to become friends with someone just based on their sexual orientation.

They tell me I'm an awesome person and I'm cute and that I deserve to have a girlfriend or hook-up or whatever. They say I don't put myself out there and I should just go up to girls and start making out with them. I tell them that I don't have that much confidence and even if I did I'm afraid of committing sexual harassment in that situation.

And of course I feel lame and left out when everyone else is hooking up and getting boyfriends and girlfriends and I'm going home alone again. I can't help but be intensely jealous.

Is it just a waiting game? Or do I need to throw myself into the culture? Is it possible to get a girlfriend without being friends with lesbians and going out to gay bars all the time?


Frustrated and Waiting



Hi Frustrated and Waiting,
Okay man. Let me break it down for you:
1. It is NOT backwards to make friends with people based on something that you have in common. Don’t be ridiculous. That’s how humans get along , their commonalities. In this case, it’s sexual orientation.
You hanging out with only straight people and wondering why you don’t have a girlfriend is like me going to Outback Steakhouse and wondering why I wasn’t served tofu. Your drunken straight girl makeouts? The equivalent to an iceburg lettuce salad. No nutritional value! Unsustainable as food! You don’t need it.

2. If I were you, I would try to find a gay function in my town via the internet. Make Myspace friends with a lesbian in your land and let her lead you to a potluck or a book club or a dyke show.
OR , go to anything labeled “feminist” and you will find your people. Seriously.
Do not listen to your friends who say to just “walk up to someone and make out with them”. That is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

3. Go to a gay bar. Bring a friend who could not be construed as your date. An obviously gay man would be my choice for this. Look friendly. Talk to people as a team (it will take the pressure off), buy somebody a drink. Mingle!
Make eye contact and try to send heart fluttering vibes the way of someone you think is cute.
Sneak a note into someone’s pocket telling them that you want to have coffee with them. Something!
The worst that could happen is they suck or they’re not interested.
No problem, just bid them farewell and return to your friend whom you came with.
In conclusion,
I find it is very fulfilling to hang out with people who have core similarities to myself. Be it vegetarianism, punk, or an understanding of queer culture. You will be surprised how different it feels to be around a pack of lesbians than a pack of straight dudes, FaW, I guarantee it.
Give it a shot and Go get what you deserve. Tofu, greens, fisting and all..







hi nicole,
so my ex and i ended on not so great terms (yelling, slamming doors, etc) and we also had a rocky relationship that should have ended ages before it did. We haven't talked in 3 months. I have a new gf, that I'm really happy about.
the question: her birthday is coming up in a week or so... do I send her a simple card to let her know I still care and maybe we can be friends in the future? Or do I let it die and move on?? Thanks!
Sincerely,
Anonymous


Hi there, Door slammer.
I think you should send a very simple note that says someone along the lines of “I hope you have a really nice birthday. Sincerely, so and so”. I don’t think you need to get wordy or mention the hope of friendship some day, just let her know that you remember and that you are a person in the universe who still cares.
Good luck!
n.g.



Dear Nicole,
I moved to a new town recently and have been going on internet dates like three times a week. I am not finding what I want. I’ve left a wake of one night stands, And the only guys interested in dating me are the ones I never want to see again. Have I cursed myself into nympho-dom?
Signed,
e-maler


Dear E-Maler,
What is your goal in online dating? If it’s to get laid, then I think you’re doing a good job. But from your letter, it appears that you’re not looking to get laid by the greater metro area.
It seems like you want a date.


If you’re looking for a boyfriend, then Slow down!
You are not obligated to have sex with someone just because they are cute and available

First order of business:
STOP SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE ON THE FIRST DATE. In order to figure out someone’s potential , you need to talk to them. I think conversations will flow more easily and honestly WITHOUT a dick in the mouth of either participant.
So Slow Down. It’s not going to fall off if you don’t use it, and if it’s the right person, you have the rest of your lives (or you know, the rest of the relationship) to fuck each other’s faces off.

RELEASE THE BEAST. I’ll bet that after going on three dates a week for however long, you have a solid Little Black Book of sex partners. There has got to be at least one person in there who would be stoked to have you as their Friend With Benefits. You could sleep with this person once or twice a week (without sleeping over or giving them the wrong impression) just to take the edge off, so that you don’t feel like a blood thirsty vampire gazing upon an exposed neck when you’re on a first date with somebody totally hot and likable. It will also let you focus on the person’s personality on the first date, which is way way more important for boyfriendship than their ass riding abilities.

Good luck. And don’t catch anything.

p.s.
You can have great sex with someone you hate. Keep that in mind. Doing it with someone straight away will not tell you anything about their ability to be your boyfriend.







Dear Nicole,
What do you do if your ex-boyfriend offers to buy you a plane ticket to Alaska to visit him & you’ve always always always wanted to go to Alaska, like since high school, but you’re pretty sure you’ll have to put out for said plane ticket once you get there and the last time he visited it was nice pretending to be bf/gf again, but also weird and you promised yourself you wouldn’t sleep with him anymore, still you really really want to go to Alaska, should you go or not?
Signed,
Nun-nook


Dear Nun-nook,
If you promised yourself that you wouldn’t sleep with him anymore, Then you should not go to Alaska.
Think of how much better (and less like the movie Pretty Woman) it would feel to plan a trip to Alaska with a friend whom you do not feel sex pressure or emotional strain with. Empowering! Fun! No emotional damage necessary!

Sincerely
n.g.
p.s. I would also advise you to make clear to this person that you can’t sleep with him any more because you are not dating and it makes you feel conflicted. Instead of having the specter of a false and loaded relationship hanging over your friendship, you can have honesty and clarity and start something new and more light hearted with him. Consider.

SURVEY QUESTION FOR READERS:

What percentage of Lesbians do you think engage in fisting?


Please comment your response. We are taking a poll.
You are also welcome to note the following with your answer:
-Whether you have large or small hands and
-Whether you have ever actually engaged in this activity we call Fisting.

I am being totally serious. Thank you for your help with this matter!

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

I fist, but I am not fisted (even though I wish I could be!). Tiny vagina, be damned!

Anonymous said...

Yo. I've done both, but only once each. (I'm almost 29 and have been sexually active for oh, 15 years? Femme bottom.)

Anonymous said...

I have done it a few times.
I have attempted to receive a few times, but like commenter one, vagina wouldn't have it.
I think it is pretty amazing.
Oh and hands: medium-sized.

Anonymous said...

i would guess that most have tried fisting, but that a smaller percentage engage in said practice regularly (20-30%?). i have fisted my gf a very few number of times a long time ago. never been on the receiving end. i am known for my very small hands.

Anonymous said...

hmmmm, hard to nail down a percentage on the lesbian population at large. but i think that pretty much every lezbo i know has engaged in fisting on at least one side, if not both.
personally, i'm totally into it. as the fistee, rarely the fister. (though i have been known to cross over to that side when i'm feeling all femme top-y.)

Anonymous said...

i'd say like 30%, just because of the statistical unlikeliness of the right combination of small enough hands, partnered with big enough vag, and both parties' desire to fist. i both give and recieve pretty often, i have medium-large hands for a female-assigned person, and my partner's hands are smaller.

Anonymous said...

30%
small hands
never been

Anonymous said...

large hands. have never fisted anyone, probably for that reason.
get fisted super regularly by my (small-handed) GF. love it! one of my favorite activities of life!

impossible to be objective, but based on my own sexperience and friends' stories: 40-50%.

Anonymous said...

Every dyke I know has at least tried it. I did it (receiving only) with my past 2 partners (I'm a long-term monog-type person), and am now dating straight boys. Surprisingly enough, my newest boyfriend-ish person had fisted a girl before, and was thrilled that I wanted him to do it. Who knew.

The hands that have gone in me have been small to medium sized.

Anonymous said...

I got big hands and I fist ;)

p.s. you found a way to get people to commment on your blog!

Ask Nicole said...

Just a reminder that i am truly most interested in what you think the Percentage of Lesbians Who Engage In Fisting is.

the part about yourself is in addition to that information.

Anonymous said...

i have pretty large hands and have fisted and double fisted some people. i have also been fisted and double fisted (the double fisting was with someone with small hands -- but i have been known to be a total size queen.) however. i am not a lesbian. i might be considered that by some though...

Anonymous said...

i'm gonna say %10 percent or less. i live in an urban city and many queers i know have fisted or been fisted, but i'm going to think outside the urban bubble and account for the rest of lezzie population (small towns, rural, other countries, bible belt, small pussys, big hands, lbd, ect... just as a side note i've hooked up with girls in my urban environment who have been gay for years and didn't know that you could even put your fingers in your partner, and many other girls who had perfectly small hands but were fisting virgins for no apparent reason. so hmmmm....

Anonymous said...

I'm going to go with your last respondent and agree, about 10 percent. That is a complete, uninformed fabrication, really. I have no idea. But I think if we're talking all lesbians everywhere, for so many reasons I would say it's on the lower end.

If we're talking urban freaky fucksters, I would say more like forty percent. But I have been surprised how many UFF's have screwed me and I was their first fisting foray. These are gals who have been around the proverbial vagina block! I have small hands and have screwed one super-dagger with my fist, but screwing others isn't totally my gig. Actually maybe there have been a couple others. But long ago.

Anonymous said...

I would agree with about 10% of lesbians overall. I have been fisted a few times and it's one of my favorite activities. I attempted to fist an ex one time but I don't think we got the whole hand in.

Anonymous said...

I say under 10%. I just read over the comments and realized that's the standard estimate, but I came up with it before I knew that!

Never done it, giving or receiving, never want to receive. Small hands.

indonesianramen said...

I am obsessed with fisting. I want it like 4 times a day. I am bottom-ish, but my GF is a total aseck-shul type with tiny hands. Fisting is the only reason I was put on this planet. My hands are large-ish, but I have never fisted anyone. But want to. I would die!

I am Kim Mitchell, duh.

The day after I got fisted for the first time was crazy. Felt the same with anal. Like my body had been stretched to its true and right dimensionz. Like the planet made sense. I am a sexual Sun-Ra. So take that!

Ask Nicole said...

btw, i like that you announced your Full Name before announcing that fisting was the reason you were put on this earth.
one of the many reasons that
I love you.

Anonymous said...

ten percent?
i have long fingers, but i think my hands are medium-sized overall.
never been fisted. never fisted.

Anonymous said...

not to get all Price is Right about it, but I'll go 7% and I'll tell you why. Last night I learned that there are only 10% mac computer users vs. 90 % pc users. Macs are seemingly everywhere but not really.

I have fisted as the fister -- have smaller hands, not in finger length or palm but girth. I think fisting is amazing and something a higher percentage of lesbians should try.

Also, is this a national poll or global?

Ms Constantine said...

Just came across this blog from galadarling.com and this is sooo interesting!

I've never had a lesbian relationship and all these comments make me wonder what the hetero girls are doing, dicks are much thinner than fists!!!

Anonymous said...

I came here from galadarling, too. Love the blog!

I'm gonna guess about 15%, although I am a straight girl. (Was debating on asking my lesbian best friend, but not sure how she'd take it.) I liked the girl who mentioned PC vs Mac: I think she hit the nail on the head, though I think the number is a little higher.

I have been fisted by three different boys with, I suppose, medium-sized boys hands. (Actually, thinking about it, one had small hands. But god, they were the most magical hands of my life.) I like it, but it happens rarely to me and has to happen spontaneously. I think if a boy (or a girl, for that matter) said "Can I fist you?" I would be scared.

But fuck knows. Maybe I'd say yes anyway.

Anonymous said...

Judging by my friends reactions to my comments about not being "into fisting" I'd say about 95% of Lezzies are super into it.

Anonymous said...

i think 55% of lesbians get all fisty with it. also, recently, i found out that what constitutes fisting is somewhat open to interpretation. secondly, maybe you could consider a poll about the ancient art of shrimping?

Ask Nicole said...

"the ancient art of shrimping"

bless you.