Dear smartest girl ever,
This woman at work insists on telling me about her poop every time she
goes to the bathroom and I want her to stop. For instance, today she
stopped by my cubicle and said, "I should weigh myself NOW, I've been
constipated for a week, and I just went a whole bunch. Remember when
that happened last week?" Last week she informed me that she's been
eating too much cheese and was therefore constipated for a few days but
then after that started having the shits and kept stopping by to tell
me every single time!
Is there a nice and polite way to tell her to stop? It doesn't end
with poop, sometimes she tells me, in low hushed tones, about how badly
she "had to go pee just now." She usually does it with such glee and
in the spirit of friendship though, it makes me feel bad about
squashing it. I think she thinks it's building up our friendship, and I
don't want to hurt her feelings.
- Grossed out in Gainesville
Dear Gainesville,
The pee thing i can understand, but Poop Talk? No way.
I tell people from the start that I am not into poop jokes,and do not wish to hear about their bowel movements.
I then (naturally) adopt a look of disgust when they do bring it up, which reminds them that i am not a friendly ear for their farts.
If you feel too far gone for that, you could pretend that you USED to like talking to her about poop, but have recently come down with something that makes it intolerable.
Beat her to the punch next time you see her and are having a talk by the water cooler:
"I don't know how this happened, but I have totally started getting grossed out talking about poop! My roommate mentioned something about it and I started getting sick to my stomach. So, no more poop talk. Sorry, friend."
or
"Hey, I can't hang with poop talk right now. I just ate."
Something like this.
Good luck.
Gross.
Dear Nicole,
If my boyfriend and his best dude friend ride motorcycles together--as in, one bike, two dudes, major spoonage--does that mean they're gay for each other?
Love,
Concerned Beard
Dear Beard,
Could be homosexuality, could just be Bromance; but as long as your boyfriend is coming home and having sex with you (a woman), I don't think you need to worry.
Dear Nicole,
for a girl with little discipline, and a not a lot of outside deadlines, how best do i stay focused and keep my eye on the prize?
Signed, In need of a firm hand
Dear Firm Hand,
When all else fails, schedule work time amidst other human beings.
Put it in your planner!
Take your notebook or your computer to a coffeeshop and know that you would much rather be seen there working on a project than on Facebook.
Make a note for yourself "NO INTERNET".
Find another friend who has studying (or a deadline) to work on , and invite them over for some strict and quiet work time. After a few minutes of tea, you will keep each other on task with the miracle of Peer Pressure.
Schedule these things for yourself as many days of the week as you can, and stick to them.
Your work is a priority. Treat it that way.
World's Smartest Girl:
I feel like a jerk to be complaining, but here goes. I have a sort of intense job as an accountant and I make six figures. Meanwhile, my social scene is comprised of urban queers who are musicians, artists, baristas, social service providers, aging scenesters, and similar folk. These are my people that I hang around and feel close to because we share the same interests in feminism, music, community, etc. I have a hard time bonding with other professional people in the business/finance world because they don't roll like I do and they think its very strange to go see a lot of shows and be an out and about queer. But I also feel alienated from my social friends because I have so much financial and educational privilege and it feels like no one has a shared experience. Sometimes I feel like a eccentric and affluent curiosity. Sometimes I feel like the only grownup at the all ages punk show. I thought it would be interesting to hear what you think about that, because I would really like to get over myself.
-Richie
Dear Richie,
I'm not sure what the question is here, but your life sounds cool to me.
You get to live a grown up life while still hanging out with your people, the gaywads. Thank goodness you live in an area where your peer group is not comprised exclusively of straight accountants. Things could be worse!
Inevitably, as you age you will feel like the only grownup at a punk show. That comes with the territory. You would feel this way as a prince or a pauper, given you are over twenty five years old.
If I were you, I would thank my lucky stars that I can afford to fix my teeth, afford stable housing, and retire someday. Many of your friends (and people in the world) truly do not have this gift!
So.. Gratitude! Seriously, stop stressing and just be glad.
n.g.
Dear Nicole,
so there's this girl i have my eye on, do i really just walk up and introduce myself? (that's so... courageous).
Signed, Curious in California
Dear Curious,
Do you have any friends that can introduce you?
If not, just go up to her and say "Hi".
I'm an avid fan of bribery
("Hey do you want this coupon i just found?"
"I thought you might like a butterscotch."),
but have definitely sat myself next to people and just started talking.
Ask her some questions (but don't cross the line into being invasive),
or ask her advice about something
("Hey, do you think that the bartender would look at me if i leaned over the bar like this?").
Just be friendly and honest.
Even if it doesn't work out, it's good practice.
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