Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Economy, Portland,Bisexuality, Blah Blah Blah
Dear Ms. Nicole,
So I've started this new job. The girl that trained me openly told me
she was bi three days into us knowing each other. I found her
attractive but didn't want to act on it. Now her friend has started to
hit on me. And I've seen her at the bar a couple times. Unfortunately,
I'm not attracted to her. As the month has gone by I have been more 'in
to' girl #1. I have only been with 1 other girl a year ago so I'm not
familiar with hitting on girls. The only thing she really does is
comments how large my breasts are and that she likes them, so I don't
even know if she's interested. What do you suggest I do to let her know
Bi and Curious,
Keep shutting her friend down (because you know that sleeping with the friend will eliminate your chances with #1),and get bold with your crush. Just get it out of the way. Say "Would you like to get a drink with me after work?" and maybe wiggle your eyebrows or otherwise let her know that you mean "A drink. Just the two of us". When you get there, BUY her the drink and do things to denote that this is a date. Try to flirt openly, see how it goes, and if she shuts you down, so be it.
Get back to work.
p.s. You may wonder if this is completely unprofessional, asking this woman on a date. It is, but i sort of think that her commenting on your chest and outing herself as bi on the FIRST DAY negate standard professional protocol.
Last week I was fired from my job. My managers arranged a meeting and pulled out my Spring Break zine I had wrote last year that had some funny little anecdotes about the customers at my ex-place of business. This zine was a part of your Spring Break project. They thought it was offensive and canned me.
I had never before considered the ethical backlash of being an independent publisher of zines because I always figured no one would read my zines anyway. My question is: are there ethical standards for zines? Would you advise never to write about ones place of business? How ought ones writing being censored if one desires to "put it all out there?" I notice you use different names for your friends and draw carrots for people you don't like. What other ethical policies do you adhere to?
TMI in Tennessee
I can't believe you got fired for a zine.
I am so, SO sorry.
I noticed in your original letter, you signed your real name. That is your first problem. You need to stop using your real name in public forums!
If i had it to do over again, I would never have used my real name for any of my zines.
With that said, here are
My ethical standards for zines (All learned the hard way!):
Never use people's real names
Do not mention your place of business by name
Don't use your zine as a sounding board for how much you hate a certain person (like, during a break up).
Keep your friends and keep your job by following the Georges Method!
So I know the economy is totally crashing and burning right now, but in a massive stroke of luck I just got a job which offers a pretty serious adult salary. I was pretty psyched until I realized that everyone else I know is in danger of losing their job, has lost their job, or can't find a job to save their lives. So instead of psyched, I'm feeling serious survivor's guilt. I can't even ask any of my friends to go out for dinner with me because they are all broke and refuse to let me pay.
What do I do? I feel really bad about feeling good.
Dear Overwhelmed in Illinois,
The only thing you can do is take care of number one and keep trucking.
You deserve the good things that are coming into your life, and should take a moment for gratitude in the place of survivor's guilt.
Guilt won't help anyone.
Make dates with your friends that they can afford.
Offer to split something at a restaurant,or go out for burritos. Offer to make dinner together or go to the dollar theater. Surprise a broke friend sometimes by paying for their movie ticket, but don't make it a habit.
Good Luck, and congratulations on your newfound fortune!
How can i convince my creative, liberal friends that they shouldn't move to Portland? if everyone who makes a difference in their community moves to Portland to be with "like-minded" folk, what good does that do?
and why do these people have such a problem being around others who aren't exactly like them in their city/state of origin? thanks!
It's fine if your friends want to move to Portland. In Portland, they can finally rest easy knowing that if they want to see something radical, they don't have to be the one organizing it. They can relax as a participant, knowing that the good fight is being waged somewhere with or without their micromanagement.
As much as I understand the want for keeping radical people close to you, I also understand that it is very stressful to be one of only a handful of a certain subculture. It feels really really nice to find your pack, and unfortunate for our smaller city friends, sometimes Portland is the landscape in which the liberal pack thrives.
If they move away from your community, they will only be leaving a legacy and room for growth, in which new people will step up and take on the cause.
Don't stress out so much!
In a larger city, your friends can grow up a little and decide if its for them. if there was something nourishing their soul about their place of origin, they'll return. I'll tell you one thing, though, flies to honey my friend. If you're as bitter when they visit as you are in your letter, you may find the trips home few and far between.