Ergh, Rapists.

This is the face I made when I read this question:

Dear Nicole, 
I am having an ethical crisis: I met this guy and we have amazing chemistry, it makes me dizzy. I don't want to date, I just want a booty call for brutal raunch and for this he seemed perfect. Then I told a friend about it and she told me she knew him and that he raped her. I believe her- it's the kind of "acquaintance rape" scenario that happens all the time- but I still think he's hot. I feel terrible. Is it condoning rape and rape culture to sleep with him? 

What about just thinking he's hot? 

When I told a different friend about the situation, she said she thinks most guys would bone a sleeping girl. Is that true?!

Signed, 
Someone with a Boner for Bad Guys


Dear Someone,

This question is upsetting! Here's the short of it:

1. Do not reward him for his bad behavior by sleeping with this guy.

2. There are so so many handsome dudes who would love to have brutally raunchy sex with you who are not rapists.  Move on.

3. I don't want him to rape you! Tell him to buzz off!

4. If I was your friend and I knew you'd continued to bone my rapist, it would make me physically ill.

5. Can you still think he's hot? I'm not going to play Portland Mind-Police here. You can thinking whomever you want is hot. Even if they are the worst person in the world.
Black hearted sociopaths are sometimes handsome and have a dangerous thing going for them.
They, like all feral animals, are for looking but not touching.

In real life, find someone nice and then just pretend they're a BHS from time to time.

Au revoir!

n.g.

P.s. Your friend who said that "most guys" would bone a sleeping girl is TRIP-PING. Ugh! Argh! Blargh! I am rolling around on the ground Argh-ing and hitting my head against the wall right now just thinking of the idea that she even told you that.
What! What planet.... Who.... What!?
Was she born in a garbage can and raised by rats??? No! Not true. Girlfriend needs to splash some water on her face and break free of the scum bags who made her think that.

What is this, Elm Street? 9, 10 Never sleep again, or your might get RAPED? Jesus Christ!

Dating As the Dust Settles

Dear Nicole, 
Me and someone have a longtime crush. They just broke up with their partner. 
Both of these revelations came at the same time. 
How do I stay out of the breakup shrapnel zone so I don't get ripped
up and can have my own dang relationship?

Signed, 
Trying to Keep it Cool


Dear Cool,

Do you want this to become something other than a fling?
If so, I advise you to cool your jets.

Take some physical space for at least 2 weeks (preferable
two MONTHS)  to give your
crush some room to be sad and not fill that feelings-hole with
you.
Then start slow, like actual dating.

A Side Note, Confidential to Lesbians across the U.S.:
"Dating" is a prolonged series of short hangouts intended for you 
to suss out if someone is a good romantic fit before you 
spend every waking moment together & dive into a 
super-bonded faux marriage.
Sometimes *some* people become overwhelmed with their feelings
(or p*ssy) and chain themselves to someone whose 
faults they don't even know yet. To those I say, 
chill! Date! Date around!

Anyway, back to Cool,
Be strict! Your crush will be lonely and you will be
excited, and it will be tough to say no,
but chew a stick if you have to and wait it out.
If your crush has lasted this long, it can sustain
another couple of weeks/months while the dust is
settling. 

Last but not least, think of the feelings of the
person your crush is breaking up with. You need
to respect their space, the relationship they've had
that is falling apart, and give them some time to
have a proper funeral.

Good luck!

n.g.