The lady on the left is on a date with 3 people at once.

Dear Readers,
Thanks for your patience. After a few weeks off, I am ready and raring for more advice. I hope to have a podcast or web radio show soon, so stay tuned.
In the meantime, I have a new 150 word limit on questions. This is the last edition of Ask Nicole to include questions as long as Encyclopedia Britannica/Bible/Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
Thank you.



Dear World's Smartest Girl,

Here's a question about dating etiquette.
I am a recently single young lady and am on the prowl, so to speak.
I'm dating about four women right now. I'm not polyamorous or anything. I'm just dating.
I live in a mid sized town.

Friday night, I was out on a date and bumped into someone else that I'm seeing, that I'll be going out with on Sunday.
I went over and talked to Miss Sunday and her friend, chit chat, said hello. It was apparent, however, that I was on a date with Miss Friday, who hung back and did not meet Miss Sunday.

I like Miss Sunday because she's smart and sweet and I've been on three dates with her, only just kissed her once and am just getting to know her. Not sure what my intentions are.

Miss Friday, who I'm sleeping with but am sort of ambivalent about, hung back and I don't think she could tell that Miss Sunday and I have a thing going.

Anyways, what am I supposed to do when that happens?
When I run into one girl when I'm out with another girl?

I tell the girls that I am sleeping with that I am dating other people but the ones I'm just getting to know don't know about my ways because, well, we aren't ready for that conversation yet.
Furthermore, I might decide I like Miss Sunday enough that I just want to cool it and hang out with her, I don't know right now but I don't want to foreclose the option because I'm seen out with other people. What I do know is that I want to act right and not mess it up even though I'm dating other people. So, a bit of etiquette instruction, if you don't mind.

-Randy

Dear Randy,
This situation is only as awkward as you make it.
The time to tell someone, in my opinion, that you have other dates, is before you make out with them. Before you even kiss them, you have to say
“Hey, I have to tell you that I’m really really CASUALLY dating some people right now. I just want to let you know that. ….” And you can elaborate or not based on their reaction. But don’t let them trustingly stick their tongue in your mouth if you have someone else’s spit marinating in there.

If you run into one girl when you’re out with another, I think you should say “Hi, how are you?” and make it brief. Tell them you’re excited to see them again or WHATEVER, but you need to say “Okay, I have to go hang out with my friend Miss Friday right now. Nice talking to you. See you soon.”

Don’t make it awkward for Miss Friday by openly flirting or carrying on a long conversation with Miss Sunday. No matter who you want to keep making out with in the situation, this is bad manners.

If you act totally chill and normal when you return to Friday’s open arms, then it shouldn’t be an issue. If she brings it up later “Who’s that?” try to be open and honest, but gentle with her feelings. Even if you feel ambivalent about her, she's still a HUMAN and might not feel ambivalent about you, especially considering the fact you were on a DATE and are currently having SEX with each other. Which in some cultures means "I Like You" .
SO. Be Polite. Be gentle.

Don’t act squirrely or guilty. You’ll only make things worse.




Dear Nicole,
I want to talk about The F Word; Friends.

The back history: I've been in Portland for 5 years (as of this
week), and I have yet to make my 'core' friends here. I have lived in
larger cities like Chicago and Los Angeles and have always had my core
friends (usually 4-5) who I could really count on and share trust and
closeness, both ways. It always provided a sense of family that I
value very much. I don't do small talk and shallow acquaintances very
well, I prefer quality connections with fewer people rather than
shallow connections to a lot of people. I'm a bit introverted and
low-key, and like one-on-one time rather than big social situations.
I tend to get ultra-sensitive and awkward in large social situations
(this is something I'm working on).

THE PROBLEM: Since I have moved to Portland, I have had many
fall-outs with folks I try to befriend. Usually what happens is that
there is an initial spark (sometimes romantic, sometimes not),
sometimes this spark is quite powerful, and we hang out, communicate,
etc… then it seems that to keep the connection going I am the one
doing all of the communication and 'tuning in'. However, this is bad
because it causes an imbalance, and both people are left resentful of
each other.

I realize that these things take time, but Portland has a science all
of it's own and I sense that you may know something that I don't.
Help.

Yours,
Open and Sincere.




Dear Open and Sincere,

In any relationship, romantic or otherwise, there needs to be reciprocity. If you are trying to contact people who are dropping the ball and not contacting you back, then you need to move on. Sounds like they aren’t interested in the same level of friendship you are.
This is where acquaintances come in handy. You make someone’s acquaintance, find out if you have a common interest, and if things go well and you’re both so inclined, hang out one on one as actual friends!
I find that social networking sites are a pleasure for this purpose. They give names to the faces you see in your community, and give you a chance to contact them outside of parties and random run-ins.
I want to add that you mentioned a romantic spark for some people who you’ve tried to befriend. This is a bad tactic if you’re looking for stability in friendships. You don’t want something volatile and hinging on whether or not you make out.

As for your desire to have friends and not just acquaintances (“shallow connections”), this is something I hear about as often as I hear lesbians declare their future want for a goat and to live in the country. VERY COMMON.
Nobody wants JUST acquaintances (not even your acquaintances want JUST acquaintances) , BUT we (Portlanders) are lucky to live in a land of common interest. Portland is a bubble with a giant queer community and thriving underground culture. Don’t take it for granted. Recognize the giant privilege you have to even KNOW that many people who are into the same things as you. You have the luxury here of rooting through the acquaintances to find people with whom you share not just gay-roddery and love of books, but also personality or communication styles. Lucky you! Community is nothing to take lightly.


So my advice to you is, look for commonalities with people whom you do not want to bone, test the waters and if the waters are unreceptive, move on.
Also, see my advice about friendship from 2008.

Good luck .




Hi Nicole,

You probably don't remember me, but I went to Rock Camp this summer and was in your zine workshop. It turned out we were both from Kansas!
Anyway, you said you went to Aquinas for high school. Well, I am in 8th grade and about to take a placement test on Saturday. I am torn between two high schools. I shadowed at Aquinas and a new school called St. James, but I can't decide what school I want to go to! Overall, I really liked St. James better, but at Aquinas I will have more friends. I have one best friend going to St. James, and two best friends going to Aquinas. I really can't decide where to go. At St. James you get a mac book, which is awesome, but Aquinas I will know more people and have a cousin there. Aquinas is also much closer to my house. The tuition is also cheaper at Aquinas. Transportation might be a little problem for my parents and I, but I think we could work things out. Do you have any idea what I should do? I really need to decide, and fast!

-Torn Between Two.

Dear Torn Between Two,

I had a nice time as St. Thomas Aquinas. I met new friends, and maintained friendships with my public school friends outside of STA.

Go to the school you like best, and I promise you will have some friends.

I warn you though, in my days the freshmen as STA were forced to wear beanies with propellers the first week. The seniors could then walk by and flip the propeller on your. Really undignified.
If I were you, I would hide the beanie in my bag and only put it on right outside the classroom door. If you pretend to be a stone cold sophomore, you won’t get in trouble.

Good luck.






Dear Nicole,

Okay, I'm 16 years old and have been in a (sort of) long relationship with my boyfriend (8 months to be exact). But the whole 'I love you' thing started EARLY with him. I didn't say it back until I thought I felt the same, and I do think I feel the same. My problem is the 'planning our future' thing started early too. And I just feel trapped because he loves me a lot, and I (and everyone else) can see that. I know for a fact that if we break up he's going to be...self-destructive. As in drinking uncontrollably. Oh, by the way, he's 19 and goes to college in Michigan (while I live in Illinois) if that makes a difference. And the other thing is I don't want to break up with him right now, I just don't want to spend the rest of my life with him...or I'm just not sure of that. I want to experience new things and meet new people before I tie myself down. Should I talk to him? Should I just break it off now? What should I do?

Love,
Trapped.

Dear Trapped,
I hereby give you permission to break up with this guy.
You’re lovable. So what. That doesn’t meant you owe the first dude to declare his love for you anything. Lots of people are out there who also might want to love you. It doesn’t mean you need to get married to all of them.
You are not old enough to be making a crazy long commitment (not because I’m ageist, but because you need to date some more people and figure out what you want to do with your ENTIRE LIFE and what kind of person you like) , and you haven’t been dating long enough to be surgically tethered to this dude. His drinking is his own business. If he wants to self destruct after an 8 month long relationship, that’s his own deal. He’ll get over it.
Turn the page, dude.
YOUR business is to take care of yourself and have fun! Date someone you KNOW you love. Or don’t! Date a bunch of people and figure out what you want!
Don’t act like an old lady just yet. You can wait until you’re at least in your mid twenties for that sort of behavior.

Cat Dander, Myspace, Buttplug Etiquette and Making New Friends

Hello, Readers! It is September and I write to you from my my borrowed Herman Miller Aeron chair, listening to the snoring sounds that young Wishbone Georges makes from her bed.
1. Get ready for "Ask Nicole Georges: The Tour" this fall/winter. I'll be traveling around the east coast with sts and Katy Davidson, giving live advice everywhere I land.
2. Note: Picture at left is meant to clear my good name of Cat Hating rumors. Look, i like them so much i have , like, twelve on my lap at once!
3. Comments are encouraged and accepted.







Dear Nicole,

Should I tell my ex gf I broke into her email account in a fit of crazy to see if she found someone new?

- Nosy in New Hampshire



Dear Nosy,

If you need to stalk your ex girlfriend, do it through Myspace like any decent person would do.
In the meantime,
do NOT tell her that you broke into her email account! Swallow that secret and clear her password from your mind.





Dear Nicole,

I have always enjoyed the company of animals and grew up around many different types of pets. For the most part, I was raised around cats and when I moved to my own place, I started with having only 2 cats, then I got a dog and became a total dog lover. The cats crack me up with their antics and craziness, and my dog is my best pal and I take him everywhere with me.
Cats can be just as affectionate as dogs.
I know you are an awesome person who cares for all animals. My question to you is, do you think you will ever adopt a cat? What is is about cats in particular that you don't dig?

All the best!

Animal Lover


Dear Animal Lover,

Sigh. I have been plagued with anti-cat stigma ever since i drew a comic that said "As a general rule, i don't like cats." when i was 22.
Well. Let's clear this up.
When i was 23 i hit a cat whilst driving the minivan for an animal rescue organization i worked for. Please take my word for it that there was nothing I could have done to prevent this Grandpa-Cat murder/suicide.
So riddled with guilt was i, that i declared then and there that i would repair my relationship with the feline community. I have a good four years of pro-cat petting under my belt now and would like to say i'm reformed.

I even rescued a litter of kittens (See Above Photo) and drove myself to the brink of insanity after realizing i would have to rear them and find them homes after no rescues would take them (keep in mind i had four dogs and three chickens at the same time).

I actually tried to adopt a cat ,Cleo Clementine Cashew Cardamom Cupcake Georges, last year after Lambchop died. I rescued her from a family off of craigslist who'd moved and left her sitting outside of their abandoned house. I put Cleo in the back of the my borrowed Mercedes Benz and took her home. Well. I'm allergic to cats. I thought after years of dating cat people I'd cured myself, but apparently one dandery cat in one small house in winter with all the windows closed was not the ticket for my sinuses. And so, she is now Cleo Clementine Cashew Cardamom Cupcake Kilcoyne, as I gave her to a friend. They are very tight and it all worked out okay (see photographic evidence, below).





So the answer is: I would be roommates with a cat, or a step parent to a cat, but i would probably not get my own cat. Power to cats. Power to cat people! Hand me a kleenex!





Dear Nicole,
I haven't dated women much.. whats the etiquette on recycling sex toys with other, uh, dates.. presuming I will actually find another?

Love,
Dildonna



Dear Dildonna,
Good Question! It really depends how much sentimental value is attached to said toy and how much money you have at the time.
First and foremost, boil everything. Make dildo soup, but don't forget about it and burn your apartment down like somebody i know.

If you are going to think about your ex girlfriend every time you are attempting to wield your dildo/ horsetail buttplug/ whatever, then you should probably give it away, throw it away, or bury it.

Then, go out and buy yourself a new dildo or horsetail buttplug as a way of inviting new , clean, positive sex vibes into your life. Keep your bedroom clean and your sheets fresh. Put fresh flowers in your room and make it smell nice.
I am serious.

Nobody wants to fuck the crypt keeper, so get rid of the spider webs and bring in the sunshine and I'll bet through this manifestation of bedroom vibes that you will , in fact, lay again.




Dearest Nicole,

I'll get right to the point: How do I deal with my lame-ass friends? Don't get me wrong, I love them, but they just do nothing. Ever. At all. Any event or party that ever happens only happens because I plan it, and most of the time when I'm trying to organize something fun they all just punk out. This leaves me lonely and bored in my room eating cookie dough every weekend.
I just got out of a relationship and the last thing I need is to sit on my ass and think about how it all went downhill. I've tried making new, better friends, but so far this has been unsuccessful. Any tips or ideas? Also, if I didn't want to wait around for them to have a good time, is there any way one can dance alone on the dance floor alone without looking like an idiot? THANKS.
-No More Dull Nights (In Minneapolis)



Dear Dull Nights,

Hmmm.
My questions for you would be:
How did you make these lame ass friends in the first place?
and
Were you in Love Jail whilst in your previous relationship? And if so, were your friends perhaps put off by this or did they feel ditched and so now they are vengefully ditching?

Either way, it's time to make some new friends and put the cookie dough away.
In Fact,
Cook the cookie dough instead of eating it, and wrap it in little packages and take it to the houses of your lame friends in order to butter them up into hanging out with you while you seek out new, cooler friends.

To meet new people:
Organize a sewing circle at your house.
Get involved in some Minneapolis happenings. There's go to be something going on there. It's where Prince is from, for goodness sakes!

By all means, go to dance nights by yourself. You don't have to dance by yourself, though, dance with a stranger!

Go see movies by yourself.
Get a dog.
and
See my previous post about friend-finding for someone who'd just moved to Minneapolis.
Good Luck!






Dear Nicole,
In your personal opinion do you think befriending someone that is hot on Myspace is appropriate? Like, if you don't know them.. but want to..?

Signed,
Curious in California


Dear Curious,

Yes it is totally acceptable to befriend someone via Myspace based only on the fact that you think they're hot. Even if you don't know them.
I've done it before , I'll do it again, and I encourage you to do the same.

What you say to reel them in and make them accept your request, however, is the tricky part.
Like, when they say "Who are you? Do I know you?".

I can't tell you my personal strategy because it would spoil it for myself and future myspacings, but think of something that doesn't sound too creepy, or maybe leech onto the fact that you have a mutual friend. "Oh, i saw you were friends with so-and-so and they're like, my favorite person ever and i thought we'd get along....".

Oh. I have to mention a bit of internet sense. Think of the most annoying person you know. Now think: That person could make themselves sound good on the internet. Just something to keep in mind if you're cruising around for dates.

Err... good luck.

Sincerely,
n.g.